This past week my parents took care of my almost three year old. The week FLEW by. Our cat was sick and ended up peeing on our couch. YEAH I KNOW... trust me, if i hadn't bottle fed her myself since day 2 of her life on this planet she would have been a goner this week. Zoe (the cat) turned out to have a major UTI. She had one a few months ago; i was supposed to get it rechecked and in all honesty I just couldn't muster up the energy to figure out a time where I could go childless with her OR (even worse) have the four of us (me, Zoe, Diesel and Winter) in a tiny examining room etc. I'd actually rather have diarrhea for 3 days than to do the latter. So I felt like the walk of shame, bad cat mom, and the "you're one of THOSE pet owners" glare was all upon me when I took Zoe in. I requested a different doctor because my great friend recommended him - and because he wouldn't remember me from last time. I have to be brutally honest. He turned out to be very sweet, understanding, younger than me (wtf?!) and did I mention understanding? I fessed up to not having brought her back for a recheck and he looked at me said "it's life! we do our best!" - I almost cried.
On that note... when my parents brought Winter back (Saturday afternoon) I expected to feel this overwhelming sense of completion. That my heart was aching so badly and it finally felt put back together again. I didn't. I was (and still am) having a bit of dread for tomorrow. It has nothing to do with Winter - it has everything to do with routine. I knew this would happen, but I needed the help. Today was much better than yesterday so there is hope. She also tends to act out if there are more people around. She's a smart TOUGH cookie. Diesel is smart and an overly sweet cookie. Winter likes to show him whose boss and he takes it with a grin and newly acquired bruise on the forehead.
At the end of the day I always feel guilt. I'm lazy and selfish. I can hear Winter starting to whine in her room and I'm praying she resolves this herself because I don't want to deal with it. Malibu (our other cat) is meowing in our bedroom because we have them blocked off to one part of the house since they are basically assholes. I want a glass of wine but i have drank the past two nights and my throat is sore (allergies? every texans diagnosis). I don't feel guilty about the wine but will Lawrence give me a side eye thinking I'm using this to self medicate? I'm going to go let Malibu out for a few hours of freedom (Zoe is the true culprit) and get that glass of wine. I told Winter when i put her to bed how much i loved her and smothered her with kisses. I may not be the craftiest, most put together, organized mom - but I do love them with every ounce of my heart, mind, and soul. Asshole syndromes and everything. As I was walking out of her room she said "Mommy, I luff you" :)
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